


forgotten color

by wistering



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Memory Loss, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 11:15:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16016771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wistering/pseuds/wistering
Summary: “I’m sorry, brother. I never meant to leave you,” the man said.





	forgotten color

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Eternities Unsaid](https://archiveofourown.org/works/330932) by [Renata Lord (snowlight)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowlight/pseuds/Renata%20Lord). 



It happened at the height of morning. Thor stopped in his tracks. He’d been walking somewhere - he couldn’t remember why, though. He’d been going in the direction of an olive tree in the garden. Yesterday, when he’d gone exploring, he had climbed the olive tree and found a nest full of little birds. He’d been so excited because he had wanted to show someone, they would have been so amazed - but he couldn’t remember who. Thor turned around. He had been leading someone, he thought, but there wasn’t anyone there.

Thor was puzzled for the rest of the day. Something felt out of place. When he had gone to the tutors for his lessons, he was the only one sitting at his desk. When he headed to go explore the palace, he felt like there should have been something nagging him to go read a book instead. And when he sat down at the table to eat with his family, the servants set down three placesets: one for the King, one for the Queen, and one for Thor. Thor looked at the empty chair across the table from him and didn’t start eating, because he felt like he was still waiting for someone to sit there.

When it was night and time to go to sleep, Thor went to his room and crawled into bed. His bed felt very big, and he felt very small. There were two pillows at the top of the bed, and Thor set his head on one. His body was kept perfectly to one half of the bed. He reached out his hand and patted the empty space beside him, where the sheets remained undisturbed and the other pillow unused.

When his eyes slipped shut, Thor found himself dreaming.

There was a big, white space, empty as far as the eye could see. There was a man, there, standing in front of him. He was very tall. He had long black hair and was dressed in black and green leather.

The man stepped forward and pulled Thor into a hug. Thor didn’t know him, but for some reason, he felt like this was right. He hugged the man back.

“I’m sorry, brother. I never meant to leave you,” the man said. “But you were right. It will be better if we do not meet again.”

“Who are you?” Thor asked.

“Shh, Thor.” The man smoothed the back of Thor’s head. His hand was very big, and very warm. Thor had - Thor knew someone with a hand that was so small that it fit right in Thor’s palm, when he grabbed it and pulled it along. Thor knew someone with black hair that curled when it got too long, who smelled like leaves and fresh berries and liked to read, and his eyes - his eyes - Thor couldn’t remember the color of his eyes.

“Don’t go,” Thor said. His voice was shaking. “Please. Don’t go.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’ll miss you,” Thor said, and he didn’t know why - he was crying. His heart felt like it was tearing into pieces. “I miss you. Please--”

“It will be alright, Thor.” His brother pulled back; his eyes were green, so very green. Loki said, “You won’t even remember that I’m gone.”

When Thor woke up the next morning, the sun was shining.

Thor tore through the palace. He dove into every room, and flipped all of the curtains and sheets. He slammed open every closet door and opened every box, pot, and drawer he could find. The servants and guards chased after him in a flurry, but Thor ducked between their legs, not stopping, not pausing for even a moment.

Finally he ran into the gardens, and he stormed into the grass, checking behind bushes and looking up into the tree branches. A small green snake slithered onto his path. Thor’s heart leaped to his throat. A phantom stinging flared at his side. He knelt down and gently reached his hands to the small snake; he gathered it up in his palms, and watched it curl up in his hands.

“Come on,” Thor whispered to it. “Come on. I’m here. You can - you can--”

The snake didn’t understand him. It was just an ordinary garden snake. The servants stomped into the grass behind Thor, scaring the snake. Thor cried out when the snake slithered out of his hands and disappeared into the grass, into the shadows.

Thor’s hands were empty, clasped around someone he couldn’t grasp. A tear fell from his eye, just one, and then another. The tears rained down his face and Thor began to weep, giant, heaving sobs wracking his entire body. He let out a wail, loud and terrible, and brought his hands to cover his eyes.

“What is the matter, my Prince? What are you looking for?” a servant asked.

“I don’t know,” Thor sobbed. _“I don’t know.”_

 

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been haunted by the fic "Eternities Unsaid" by Renata Lord (snowlight), specifically the author’s idea. After having done something terrible, Loki goes back in time to change the past. He stops Odin from adopting Loki, ensuring that Loki and Thor never meet. But echoes of Loki’s existence remain in Thor’s heart, and he searches for the brother he never had.


End file.
